Breaker of Self

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  • Start of the week *yawn*

    Another morning waking up wondering if I actually slept. My brain and body love to protest getting out of bed and I feel there is no magical amount of coffee that is going to wake me up. I find start of the week mornings after a family filled weekend are extra hard. We tend to have minimal structure throughout the week and let weekends be a free for all with very little demands to help us with the constant unpredictability of each moment.

    For example, my husband woke up this morning in discomfort from a restless night that aggravated healing of a recent minor surgery. I’m sure I slept like the dead but am so behind in my sleep it feels like I never get any. Throw in the extreme, chaotic hormonal monthly issues and I’m one grouchy bear who everyone should avoid at all costs. My little ones both have loose teeth right now so eating is a challenge, along with the intense heatwave we are melting through makes things extra interesting.

    After dragging my sorry butt down to my home office to start my workday, I heard my husband tell me he was heading out the door with our ankle biters, as my grandfather so lovingly referred to them as, and started to keep watch to make sure everyone was getting into the car safely. I mean safely because both of our littles love to bolt and don’t understand certain safety aspects, like running onto the road and not being mindful/aware of possible moving vehicles. 

    We have this ritual that means so much to me where I stand waiting for them to drive by and I wave to my awesmazing family and blow kisses, cheesy mush I know but it’s our little thing that is impactful. Well I was keeping a watchful eye out and all of a sudden I heard my youngest cry out and my husband was unbuckling his seatbelt to come around to help. I, of course, was like I’m coming out to see what’s going on. Once I got out there, I learned that our littlest one was upset and bumped their mouth, which knocked out one of the wiggly teeth. This was very stressful as our youngest does not handle transitions or changes well and proceeded to try to put the tooth back where they felt it belonged.

    This is a stark contrast to our oldest who loves to lose teeth as fast as possible and showed us one of their molars is wiggly, and I mean half hanging on. They have been wiggling and picking at this molar none stop since yesterday afternoon and hearing the clicking sound while my oldest is trying their best to have this molar come out before bedtime last night so that the tooth fairy visits with a shiny coin is a sound that makes my mind and body cringe. I made sure to let their summer schoolteacher know about this tooth excavating obsession and would not be surprised if I need to schedule a tooth fairy visit tonight.

    I’m off to sweet talk my husband into making me another cup of bean juice (coffee)!

    What quirky, headshaking routine mischief does your family get up to?!

    With care,

    Angie

    *** Two hours later update: teacher just text me that my oldest lost their molar. Called it lol!

  • Interviews

    So I’m sure that most people dread interviews and the whole process leading up to that point. I know I sure do and I find that the feelings and struggles have intensified as I’ve gotten older. I have held positions in both the private and public sectors, and I definitely prefer the private sector process, at least the old school process lol, not sure what hoops they make you jump through nowadays!

    There were many times where I was able to walk into a place of business dressed in professional clothing and resume in hand, have an engaging, transparent, and respectful conversation and walk out with the position and my head held high. I do hope this hiring standard is still in place! In the public sector, oh boy is it so much different and as I’ve learned more about myself, I’ve come to realize what a broken, biased, not inclusive process it is and it actually makes me physically sick.

    Everything is competency, merit based. From the screening questionnaire to the written assignment and finally the actual interview. I have seen so many situations where amazing people who I feel would be great for the position are instead passed over because someone knew how to “navigate” this competency-based system and win, even if not completely truthful or transparent. After I was diagnosed as neurospicy and started to learn and understand myself better, I realized how this hiring system was created without factoring in neurodiverse individuals, therefore setting them up to essentially fail and slowly erode what makes them unique and incredible.

    I have fought so incredibly hard to be where I am today and in my recent years, I’ve been fortunate to come across amazing individuals who are genuine and solid. I’m learning to advocate for myself in an environment that is neurotypical and intimidating. Thankfully, I am seeing meaningful conversations start and things slowly start to shift. Across the board, I hope this continues and that more amazing, neurodiverse individuals start to feel heard and empowered, and find the courage and strength to add their voice to evoke much needed change.

    It’s hard, life in general is ridiculously hard, especially when doing life in a world not designed for you and without your village, without community, is exhausting and alienating. I hope that you start to come across amazing individuals who can walk alongside you, and be a pillar, to help you keep going, even when it’s tempting to just throw in the towel. Please take time to be gentle with yourself, to hit the reset button and start taking little moments to build yourself up and feed the truth of how incredible and valuable you are, even if others can’t see that yet.

    With care,

    Angie

  • A bit about me :)

    Hi Everyone!

    I love to write but have found over the years that it’s easy to get distracted with life. More so in not knowing how to be still. Filling empty time with social media scrolling, meme sharing, “window” shopping lol, never ending projects around the house or anything else that can be used as a distraction.

    When I was younger, writing poems was my go to. I would use that time to process experiences that I found difficult. Nowadays, I write to advocate for things I’m passionate about, to help give a voice to what I feel is right, to take back my autonomy from a world that has it’s own agenda.

    I’ve learned so much about myself in the last decade, and coming from a background where there hasn’t been trusted elders, knowledge sharing or sense of community, I am taking steps to change that. I want to share my knowledge, be raw and truthful, to create and build a village that is supporting, inclusive, respectful and relational.

    As I head into my forties era, I feel grounded and empowered, learning to embrace my neurospicy self, slowly shedding an identity placed on me that doesn’t belong, and being vulnerable by sharing my true self and taking steps each day to empower my growing family to find their truths and create their solid foundation to be their awesmazing selves!

    I am thankful for you taking time out of your busy life to visit my blog and I hope as you poke around, that you feel seen and heard, have some laughs and maybe even take a tidbit or two away that resonates with you and your story!

    With care,

    Angie